weight loss tracker

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Food - pain = YES!

I did decide to go get unfilled a little bit today. Dr. Ganta agreed that things sounded a little snug, and suggested that he unfill .5 cc , which is what I was thinking too.

No liquids/mushies after an unfill, so I ate regular dinner. The meal was still on the soft side, but it went down without pain! YAY!!!! I've been so hungry that I probably ate a bit more than I should have, but I'll test things with something less mushy tomorrow.

I was right about my slider foods of the last week backfiring on me, but not as bad as I had feared. 0.6 pounds up today. Boo. Better next week, I hope.

My exercise regimen has been a lost cause this week. Haven't been to the gym since last Thursday, and as much as I want to go this weekend, I am probably going to have to use the gym's childcare time to catch up on homework. I have no idea why all three of my instructors thought that making a paper due on Monday was a good idea, but it is what it is. On the upside, I'm pretty sure I did well on my first Chem exam. I went over to the campus after my unfill appointment and took it so I wouldn't have to deal with it tomorrow. Aside from one really ridiculous error, I think the rest of the test was well in hand.

So, yep. Today was a melieu of appointments and school stuff (my older kiddo had an ortho appt too). Tomorrow I'll attempt to get some school work done, go with my spouse to check out the YMCA as a potential replacement for our gym, and try to get work under control.

Oh yeah ---- I also had a complete meltdown of one of my servers yesterday and it won't be back up until who-knows-when. So I'm frantically trying to get the most important domains on that one redirected and uploaded to my other server ASAP. I'm still going to lose at least 2-3 days of revenue from this mess, though, and who knows how much in affiliate revenue. bleh.
(yeah, I know that is all just blahblahblah to most everyone, but I'm noting it here for myself mostly, hehe)

While I should be doing the aforementioned papers for school right now, I think I'm going to play blog catchup instead. ;)

I see I have a few new followers --- comment with your blogs so I can follow you too? :D

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Still waffling on this unfill business...

.... but I think I am going to do it. I keep reading and it sounds like a lot of folks are looking for as much restriction as possible, basically as tight as they can get without losing the ability to drink -- which is close to where I am, I think. I just don't think that's for me.

I'm still getting stuck and sliming on almost every meal that isn't warm and mushy or pure liquid (or melt-able to liquid). Occasionally I can wait a bit and then take another couple of bites (which also get stuck-y) and thus work my way through my 1/2 cup meal. But that HURTS, and I've found myself making less-than-ideal choices just because I don't want to deal with being in pain. Frozen yogurt isn't as bad a choice as ice cream, but it certainly doesn't keep me satisfied and it's still more empty calories than not, and I'm getting pretty tired of bean soup and greek yogurt. The silly thing is that I wouldn't even be looking much at slider foods if I could get my normal healthy fare down without distress.

So yeah, I'm looking at keeping tomorrow's unfill appointment and discussing with Dr. Ganta what he thinks about it. I'd rather have to keep more of the 'control' on my willpower than live in fear of food. I don't have the best willpower all the time, of course (otherwise why would I have gotten the band to begin with?). But maybe I can scare myself with the thought that if I can't keep myself in line better then I'll have to get filled again, instead of scaring myself with the idea of eating. LOL!

I think I may have gained a pound or so back with my slider eating over the last few days, but I'll wait and see what tomorrow's weigh-in brings. Only getting to the gym 2 days last week and 1 day this week probably didn't work in my favor either. hrm. ;)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

NSV = wardrobe fail. ack!

For once I had my outfit all ready to rock for tonight's party.

A short chinese black and gold brocade cheongsam with black capri leggings underneath.

Sexy, comfortable, and interesting.

The only problem seems to be that I sort of missed my window of wearability for the dress. I put it on just a bit ago and, well, I have at least 4-6 inches of excess material around my waist and bust.

Damn? Yay? Argh!!! Now I have to try to figure out something else to wear. ;)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

To unfill or not..... and a pic!

Today marks 2 weeks since my second fill, and while the results are good, the process is not.

Only in the last 24 hours or so has eating become less than painful every single time.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for as far as restriction goes, but it does not involve being afraid to eat. Last night's dinner was the first one I had since the fill where I did not end up in the bathroom sliming like crazy. I haven't even attempted to eat breakfast in days -- I've been sticking with protein shakes.

I do want restriction, but I don't want to be in discomfort every time I eat. Even cottage cheese has been making me feel all tight and ouchie, and that's just ridiculous.

So, yeah. I moved my appointment from October 14 to September 30, but I am not 100% sure what I'm going to do. Obviously I won't be getting any more put in my band. But, if things continue to ease up over the next few days, I may decide not to unfill a bit quite yet.

My fear of food over the last week or so has shown some progress scale-wise, though. heheh!

Another 3 down for the week, even though I only managed to hit the gym twice.

A friend of mine found some old pics of me and I thought I'd share one with y'all here. This was taken at a New Year's Eve party in 1997(to 1998). I think I weighed about 170 at the time, give or take 5 pounds. Wow! And to think that my goal would put me at 20-25 LESS than I was in this pic. Hrmmm.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Hello again, Onederland!

I'm a bit late to post, as my weigh day was Thursday, but life keeps getting all busy and stuff. ;)

Hello again, Onederland!

So nice to see you. Every time we meet again, I tell you we will never part. I know you probably don't believe me, but this time, I mean it!

While I wandered from you last, I missed you so. And even though, once again, I have a beautiful baby (now little girl) to show for my philandering ways up the scale, I swear I never want to leave you again.

You see, while I was gone, I discovered that perhaps getting some help in cementing our relationship was in order. So I went out and got an 'aid' to make our relationship stronger and more lasting.
Before you start blushing, it's not that sort of aid. No, no... it's just a little piece of silicone to help keep my naughty urges in check. Be fair, Onederland, give it a chance.... You see, it brought us back together again!

Onederland, let's grow old together. You and me, me and you.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Holy fill, Batman!

Ok, so I guess all the time leading up to this point has been to teach my stubborn self to take SMALL bites and CHEW.

Yes, yes, I know.... This is Band 101. I thought I was chewing well, most of the time. I knew my bites could be smaller, but I thought I was managing OK. An erratic stuck episode here and there, but nothing too major.


I had my normal egg-white omelette for breakfast yesterday. Two bites in, and I am experiencing the worst stuck episode to date. I'm sliming like crazy and I just package up the rest and put it in the fridge. I whip up a quick protein shake and take it with me in the car on the way to take my daughter to school. All along the drive, the stuck feeling in my chest does not go away, but the sliming eases up some. After I drop her off, I start to head towards the gym, and the pain increases. I keep feeling little burps and then I'm hit with nausea. I start sliming like crazy and have nowhere to spit.

I frantically park in the lot of the snooty-snooty shopping center/condo mecca/pseudo-village place that's on my right, open my door and offload what seems like a cup of saliva onto the pavement. I'm not vomiting, but things are SO wrong in my chest. I'm sure their security guys are wondering what the heck I'm doing.

What's that you say?? There's NOT a xenomorph about to erupt from my chest??
Sure, right.

Eventually, something happens.... I *think* I can actually feel this little bite of EVIL EGG pop its way past my band.

And all is right with the world once more. Just like that, it's OK.

So, obviously this grashopper still has much to learn about the basics of kung fu.
Or eating in my post-band world.

Last night's soft-cooked chicken curry and this morning's yogurt with soft muesli in it both yielded uncomfortable results, though not as bad as the EGG. (the EGG did go down fine once I'd chewed it into oblivion for lunch yesterday, btw). Black beans and cottage cheese were fine.
VERY well-masticated almonds sent me to slime-ville after the gym today.

I'm thinking that this stage of being banded may yield decent weightloss results simply because I'm terrified to eat. Negative reinforcement has its place, I suppose. ;-)

Ah well, I'll keep practicing (and CHEWING) and hopefully not cause myself too much agony. My banded best girl said her first week post-fill #2 was pretty darn miserable too. She's a couple of weeks ahead of me fill-wise as I had to postpone my first one due to travel.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Weigh-in, 2nd fill, and the pouch test

My laptop power adapter finally gave up the ghost, so I managed to change my tickers on Thursday before the battery died, but didn't have time to post or catch up on most of y'all's blogs. I'm borrowing my dad's computer while I visit, and hopefully when I get back home my new adapter will have arrived from Amazon.

As of Thursday morning, I'd lost the .4 I'd gained the previous week. The pound that left after my binge-y days came back for a bit, it seemed. No worries, it's better than gaining, and things are back on track regardless (though unofficially via the scale).

I had my second fill Thursday afternoon, and Dr. Ganta, for all his conservativeness surgery-wise, is not so conservative with fills, it seems. YAY!

Another 1.5cc, bringing me to 5.5cc in my 10cc band. I decided to start the 5-Day Pouch Test coinciding with my fill, so I'm finishing up day 2 this afternoon. Going back on liquids has been rough, but the scale is already showing the results.

I weighed yesterday morning at 200.0 (SO close!!!) and it wouldn't budge even though I tried it 5 or 6 times, LOL! I'm at my folks' place with my kids for the weekend, and my mom's scale at 2:00 AM showed the same stubborn 200.0. ARGH!!! heheh

By 8:30 AM, I'd apparently peed away the rest of the day's "food", and her scale shows a wonderful 198.6 !!!!

We'll see if it sticks officially by Thursday, but it was SO nice to see a glimpse of Onederland - finally!

Thursday evening, I also went to the bariatric support group meeting at the hospital for the first time. This month's topic was skin changes, which have been becoming an issue for me, so I was definitely curious about how people have been dealing with it. The group was by far composed of mostly people who are new to their surgery (within 2 months), though there were a few folks who are several months to a year out from their surgery date.

The skin discussion was interesting, but the group director separated us into men and women, so that limited the experienced folks to two in the women group, so it wasn't as informative as it could have been, IMO.

Then we were broken into groups based on type of surgery, so then of course I was over to the bandster table. At that table, there was one woman who'd gotten her band almost a year ago, a guy who got his in January, a woman who was considering it, and several women who were banded in July. And me. :)

Everyone was sort of befuddled by my stats, because of how I approached things before surgery, but that was OK once I sorted out the numbers. It was kind of weird, though, because from the perspective of food intake, journalling, exercise, etc., I definitely ended up falling into the 'experienced' category, but from the perspective of dealing with the band itself, I'm still a newbie too.

I was really hoping to pick up some new ideas for lunches to take to school and for some thoughts on restriction in general, but I really didn't come away with anything useful at all.

The woman next to me at the table went off on all her candy and dessert making recipes (NOT band or diet -friendly in any way, but apparently of much interest to the rest of the table -- huh?!?). And then folks started trading potato soup, pasta casserole, home made ice cream, and peanut butter cup recipes.

Now, I can appreciate recipes and lust for home-cooked comfort food and decadent desserts as much as the next fat girl. I can wax poetic about my favorite foods with the best of them. ;)

But this was a BARIATRIC WEIGHT LOSS support group. The suggestions I got for packed lunches included quesadillas, wraps, tomato soup, and sandwiches. SO not helpful for someone who is struggling with keeping complex carbs to a minimum, who wants to avoid slider foods, and who trying to keep to her surgeon's recommendations for protein intake. *sigh*

Maybe next month will be more useful.

But based on this month's experience, the support network of you bloggers and the rare people I know who have lost large amounts of weight (and kept it off) via surgery or other methods is probably going to be more effective for me than this group.

I'll give it another shot or two and then make a final call. I really want to see if there are members who are long-term band success stories that might have something more pertinent to contribute.

Ah, I can't wait to start day 3 of the pouch test. Because I started it at noon on Thursday, it'll be cottage cheese or eggs for dinner tonight -- woohooo!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Just shy of Onederland... pics!

So, I decided to take pics last night rather than wait for actually getting to Onederland. Mostly because I was wearing something other than my typical oversized t-shirt and too-big jeans. Or jammies. Forgive the weird lighting, I was in the kids' room (my oldest had crashed in my room b/c I was out, and the baby was in bed with my spouse). And my hair. I have to decide whether I want to grow the bangs out or cut them again, so it's in this weird between place that doesn't look right at all.

I LOVE this top. I know eventually it will go the way of so many other favorites I've had, to the consignment shop, but not only is it really flattering (it makes my boobs look WAY bigger than they are, AND conceals the belly pooch -- all without covering up the side curves), but it's looked good all the way down the scale so far.

Today I've been tackling all the bins I brought in from the garage yesterday.

So far, I have one overflowing bin to take to Venus Envy (check it out, I did the site design! *G*), one stuffed full of things that are still too small, and 1.5 bins of things to take to a clothing swap or donate. I did another closet purge too, and put a bunch of 'new' things from the bins into the space that opened up.

Talk about motivation, though. I'd forgotten how much really cute stuff I have in a 13 (and smaller). I WILL be wearing at least SOME of those things later this autumn!!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Um, scale??? We need to have a conversation....

Argh. Blogger lost my post. :(

Basically, the gist of things is this:

  • I hopped on my scale this morning, thinking I'd scare myself into behaving after two days of near-gorging.

  • Scale says I LOST a pound. Huh?

  • I attempt to start 5 Day Pouch Test today.

  • I discover that I only have 3-4 servings of protein powder left.

  • I reschedule start of test to coincide with my fill on Thursday. (also after I get paid and can buy more powder)

  • I worry about party tonight, but not too much, as it's a "second childhood"-themed party and will have lots of candy, but hopefully not a lot of other temptations. Candy is not something that makes me falter.

  • I dig the SEVEN bins of smaller clothing out of my garage and stare at them stacked up in my tiny living room.

  • I decide to go to party naked instead.

  • Just kidding, it's not a costume party, so the appearance of The Saggy Baggy Elephant would probably not be appreciated.

  • I decide to just wear something that's too big instead.

Looking at this, I now think the bulleted version is better anyways.


Hope everyone is having a great weekend! :)

Friday, September 3, 2010

Damn you, carbs!

Earlier today, Grace posted a link to something that sounds like it's perfect for me right now. (thanks, Grace!!)

I had been trying to introduce complex carbs back into my diet in small quantities, but it just triggered my appetite --- not only for MORE CARBS, but in general. The last two days, I have not been able to stop eating, and I have been not only going way overboard on portions, but making some less-than-ideal choices.

Bread, rice, potatoes... check, check, check. Cereal, frozen yogurt, yep got those too. Bratwurst, waffles? 2-4 cups of food at a sitting? Oh yeah... down the hatch!

Band?? What's that?? Ain't nothing standing in the way of the HUNGER, and I haven't felt a smidgen of restriction with anything that's gone in my mouth.

The reason I got banded was because of *this*.

I'm like the little girl with the little curl....

When I'm good, I'm very, VERY good.
And when I'm bad??? Well, you see.

So, this pouch test thing sounds like it might just be what I need to reset me before my fill appointment on Thursday. I just hope I have enough protein to see me through until Tuesday when I can go shopping.

And I hope I can rein myself in to follow the test. Because even though today has been a whirlwind of snacking, I can hear the siren call of the cereal even as I type this. :(

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I think my scale has the hiccups this week.... and a little NSV

Or I have not conquered the social eating demon. Which is probably more likely. Boo. A little bump up this week of .4 lbs.

Not too much damage from the Girls' Night on Friday or from the potluck on Sunday, but it does go to show me that I really need to watch the social nibbling if I want the scale to move the correct direction.

And that I really could probably use fill #2.

I do really pretty well with my eating at home, but socially I have troubles with the munching. I always want to try a little bit of everything that all my talented cookin' friends have made. And all those little bits add up.

I made the gym 3 times this week, and once again missed my Zumba window.

Today, though, I had an NSV that made me laugh. My gym provides towels for showers or swimming. I don't usually shower at the gym, but I did today as I was heading straight to campus to work for a while after my workout.

The last time I tried to wrap a gym towel around me, I had to hold it to me in the front due to the large gap on the side where it wouldn't meet around my hips and lower abdomen.

Today? Well, it wrapped all the way around ALL of me, overlapping on the side instead of gaping! Woohoo for not flashing everyone from the shower to the locker!! :D

Hopefully next week I'll break into Onederland. I was hoping I'd do it this morning so I could post a progess pic. I have several progress photos from my last trip down weightloss lane, but none from this trip. heh