I just had an egg white omelette!

And it was AWESOME!!!

Yesterday, I finally decided that enough was enough, and I went in and had my band deflated to what it was at the time of my first fill.

So, I believe I have only 3.5cc in there right now.

I was so discouraged by being stuck all the time, in pain almost every time I ate, and afraid to eat the foods I know are healthy (and that I actually prefer to eat!).

I had reached a point where I was making myself vomit after at least one meal a day, just to not be in pain. I was never that brand of bulimic before, it sucks that WLS brought me to that point.

I had gotten to the point where I was eating slider foods (not horrible ones MOST of the time, but still) like cereal and such in quantities that were just not good.... and getting VERY tired of beans and legumes.

So, we'll see if I can manage my portions on my own again somewhat. Dr. G didn't have a problem unfilling me this much, as he said that when I was last at this level before I was my most successful post-banding.

I am looking forward to eating regular breakfasts again (EGGGGGS!!@!@!) and not being terrified to eat lean meats and fish and tofu.

Seeing as December, January, and February (thus far) have been a total wash, and I feel physically awful from the high-carb eating, I think that whatever happens now with the looser band is likely to be an improvement.

I think the band will make a great maintenance tool for me, but it's just not doing it for me as a weight loss tool so far. That's OK, I don't suck at taking off the weight .... I just suck at KEEPING it off.

Two months wasted

Yeah, I'm still here.

I just seem to have misplaced my motivation somewhere.

And, I feel sort of lost with my band recently. My stuck episodes have decreased somewhat, but still seem to happen any time I try to eat the foods I'm supposed to be eating (all meats, fish, chicken, tofu, eggs). If I lay down a "layer" of something soft first, then I can sometimes get down those foods, but unfortunately I can also get down as much of ANYTHING as I want to eat.

All this is leading me to make carb-based choices on my foods, and of course eating carbs leads to wanting carbs -- and a lot of 'em. Cereal is my binge food, always has been. I'm not big on sugared cereals, at least. But multiple bowls of Cheerios or Kix? My band says absolutely nothing about me eating that, and the carbs have gotten me into this vicious downward spiral with cereal, cookies (my MIL brought freakin' girl scout cookies when she came to visit!!), birthday cake, bread, rice, etc.

This is my third week in a row to see the scale take a leap upward. I'm back where I was at the beginning of December.

Another fill? What, and guarantee I can't eat any protein except in shake form?

But my quantities of everything else are WAY out of whack. So a fill seems like it would be the right move for that reason.

I've actually still lost more weight BEFORE getting banded than since.

I have no idea what to do, but I can't keep doing what I've been doing, that's for sure. :(