Spring Challenge and motivation

I joined the spring challenge over at ChasingSkinny's blog to add a new much needed motivator. There's my start pic and start weight. No change from Thursday, and I've been sort of half-heartedly tracking my food again starting last week.

I'm not sure what my personal goals are with this challenge. I *think* I'm going to shoot for 10#, which is just over 1.5# per week. I'd like to try for more, though, as I've really fallen behind where I'd like to be at this point, and it's looking really unlikely that I will make goal by my band anniversary.

My spouse and I signed up for the Warrior Dash again, and this race is on March 19. I've been doing pretty well about getting in my run (or some other sort of workout) 4-5 days per week recently, but I'm really stuck and can't seem to make any headway on the amount of time I can run before having to walk and get my heartrate down. Oh well, at least I'm getting it in. The time between now and race is going to be HARD, though, as my eldest daughter is now on Spring Break until the Monday after the race (she gets two weeks as she goes to a year-round school). So my up-and-at-em early morning workout that I do after I take her to school is going to require me motivating myself independently every morning. Obviously, I'm off to such a great start, as it's 10:00am already and we're still hanging out in our PJs. *sigh*

Oh, the unfill thing is working out nicely. I'm having a bit of a challenge weaning myself off the carbs, but it's made much easier by the fact that I CAN eat the protein. Loving my omelettes, cooking on the grill, and making roasts. I've still had a couple of stuck episodes on tofu, so I'm proceeding with caution on my tofu recipes.

I'm back to trying to track everything to get/keep my portions back under control, and to make sure I'm meeting my protein and overall calorie goals. I know this helps me tremendously when I stick with it, so that's what I've gotta do! ;)

I just had an egg white omelette!

And it was AWESOME!!!

Yesterday, I finally decided that enough was enough, and I went in and had my band deflated to what it was at the time of my first fill.

So, I believe I have only 3.5cc in there right now.

I was so discouraged by being stuck all the time, in pain almost every time I ate, and afraid to eat the foods I know are healthy (and that I actually prefer to eat!).

I had reached a point where I was making myself vomit after at least one meal a day, just to not be in pain. I was never that brand of bulimic before, it sucks that WLS brought me to that point.

I had gotten to the point where I was eating slider foods (not horrible ones MOST of the time, but still) like cereal and such in quantities that were just not good.... and getting VERY tired of beans and legumes.

So, we'll see if I can manage my portions on my own again somewhat. Dr. G didn't have a problem unfilling me this much, as he said that when I was last at this level before I was my most successful post-banding.

I am looking forward to eating regular breakfasts again (EGGGGGS!!@!@!) and not being terrified to eat lean meats and fish and tofu.

Seeing as December, January, and February (thus far) have been a total wash, and I feel physically awful from the high-carb eating, I think that whatever happens now with the looser band is likely to be an improvement.

I think the band will make a great maintenance tool for me, but it's just not doing it for me as a weight loss tool so far. That's OK, I don't suck at taking off the weight .... I just suck at KEEPING it off.

Two months wasted

Yeah, I'm still here.

I just seem to have misplaced my motivation somewhere.

And, I feel sort of lost with my band recently. My stuck episodes have decreased somewhat, but still seem to happen any time I try to eat the foods I'm supposed to be eating (all meats, fish, chicken, tofu, eggs). If I lay down a "layer" of something soft first, then I can sometimes get down those foods, but unfortunately I can also get down as much of ANYTHING as I want to eat.

All this is leading me to make carb-based choices on my foods, and of course eating carbs leads to wanting carbs -- and a lot of 'em. Cereal is my binge food, always has been. I'm not big on sugared cereals, at least. But multiple bowls of Cheerios or Kix? My band says absolutely nothing about me eating that, and the carbs have gotten me into this vicious downward spiral with cereal, cookies (my MIL brought freakin' girl scout cookies when she came to visit!!), birthday cake, bread, rice, etc.

This is my third week in a row to see the scale take a leap upward. I'm back where I was at the beginning of December.

Another fill? What, and guarantee I can't eat any protein except in shake form?

But my quantities of everything else are WAY out of whack. So a fill seems like it would be the right move for that reason.

I've actually still lost more weight BEFORE getting banded than since.

I have no idea what to do, but I can't keep doing what I've been doing, that's for sure. :(

Secret Plot Against Meat

I'm beginning to think that my band is really a secret plot by someone out there to turn me vegetarian.

I don't get stuck with any frequency on anything except MEAT. All meat, unless it's finely minced and chewed into oblivion... and even then sometimes.

Grrrrr. As much as I love legumes, and I love dairy, neither is as satisfying for the duration as meat is.

I did have a fill on the 22nd, and managed to make it through all of last week with only one stuck episode, on an ill-chewed shrimp. As I type this, however, I'm squirming in agony and spitting into a cup..... which I've been doing for the last 30 minutes. I did the same thing last night and for lunch on soft fish.

ARGH.

I just want to be able to eat lean protein in the form of meat (and eggs, which also get stuck all the damn time) without discomfort.
I know I'm not overfilled, as I'm able to eat just about anything else in more than adequate quantities.

:(

Slow, but steady?

Well, sort of, I guess. This week could have been (and probably should have been) worse. My band's been feeling much looser for the last couple of weeks, and I've been pushing my portions. AND making less-than-great food choices (hellllllooooo cookies?!?!). As of yesterday morning, I was 4 pounds up from last week. ACK!!!

Fortunately, this morning was 'official' weigh-day, and I'm only a pound up. I'm going to chalk that up to the fact that I called Dr. G's office on Monday and made a last-minute appointment to get a fill -- which I did yesterday. So, I was on liquids/mushies yesterday and didn't consume much at all. He put back in the .5cc that he took out back in September when I was over-filled. It feels no where near as tight this time as it did last time. He had me make an appointment for 4 weeks from now, so I may well get another tiny fill then.

I don't like my band being super-tight, but I've been able to eat like I'm not banded for a couple of weeks now. Hopefully this little fill will put the brakes on things some, even if it's not bringing me back to what I feel is ideal restriction for me. I didn't want to overdo it, especially as I'm going to be out of town for a week (Sun-Sun).

I think we're ready for the holidays. We're on a tight budget, so I've been picking up things a little bit at a time for the kids. We were going to build them a computer from all the parts we have and that my dad has, but my spouse has been working crazy overtime to get enough put together so we can just buy one instead. Nothing fancy, just something that they can play kid games on and that my oldest can use to visit websites for school. The rest of the gift thing I kept simple, just picking up some books, doll clothes, and a couple of board games. And a zhu-zhu pet for each of them. :)

Back in October, a friend of mine who will never be having children passed along her American Girl dolls and ALL clothing and accessories she had collected. (a whole little wardrobe full!). My oldest daughter fell in LOVE with her doll and is obsessed with the story of her doll's character, dressing her up, etc. So I ordered a couple of non-AG matching outfits (actual AG stuff is EXPENSIVE!!) that I hope she'll enjoy, and the box set of the stories from Hastings secondhand. Yay!

Speaking of great deals -- I had the BEST thrift store haul ever yesterday. I found out through an Austin blog that the St. Vincent de Paul thrift shop was closing its doors, and had discounted everything to dirt-cheap prices. And when I say dirt-cheap, I mean it. Almost all clothing was $.25 each. I pretty much got my older girl's entire wardrobe for the next size up -- 25+ pieces. Plus some items she can wear now, a few things for the little one, a shirt and a couple of dresses for me, some kid books and videos, and assorted odds and ends. All for $23. Crazy!

My spouse has to work on Christmas Day and through the weekend, so we're just doing stockings here on Christmas morning, then the kids and I will be meeting up with some of our dear ones (non-blood-family) for Dim Sum. Then on Sunday I'll be taking the kids to my folks' place for the week, and we'll do the 'big' Christmas to-do on Tuesday. Having grown up in a house where my mom was a nurse and worked many holidays, we have never been sticklers for holidays actually being celebrated ON the calendar day. Early? Late? Sure, whatever. As long as we're together, it's all good. Spouse and I aren't religious at all, so the date really doesn't matter to us. ;)

Hopefully I can make it through the visit with my aunt. We had a falling out back in May (huge stupid story), and this will be the first time I've seen her since. She has more body-image issues than most, and is going to probably be a complete freak about my weight loss. I don't want to make a big deal of it, I've been trying to keep focus on the health benefits rather than the aesthetics of it around my daughters, but she is going to be ALL about how it looks, and very vocal (the woman is LOUD) too. *sigh*

Ah well, hopefully we can make it through the visit without any major trauma. I'm only holding out the olive branch for my mom's sake, so I'll have to keep my sass in check. ;)

Happy holidays to everyone! Whatever you celebrate (if you do), may it be filled with love and loved ones! :)

Not going to make it...

... to my Christmas Challenge goal.

So close, but unless something goes totally crazy in the next week, I'm not dropping another 5.5 pounds between today and the 25th. Ah well. I can't complain too much, 80-something pounds down for the year is nothing to sneeze at!

Well, maybe it is... I do notice that I'm FREEZING without so much of my squishy insulating layer of fat to protect me on cold days. ;)
*aaaaah-chooo!* hehehehe

(edited to add) Oh, I almost forgot -- yesterday was my 6-month-anniversary of getting my band. 39.5 pounds down since being banded. 83.5 pounds down since starting my band journey in January!

The semester is over, and I managed to somehow kick ass on all my classes. I have a 4.0 GPA right now, let's see if I can keep that up for another 3-4 years! *laugh*

Now to catch up on all the things that got put on the back burner for the past couple of weeks. Exercise and housekeeping most of all.

It's VERY hard for me to keep up with exercise when we are not on a schedule, but hopefully I can get back on track more than I did this week.

The house is a complete wreck, from top to bottom, and is becoming a real hazard to walk through due to kids' stuff everywhere. Our place is not very big, so chaos takes over in a hurry. I hope to get it all put together before the girls and I leave on the 26th to visit my parents.

The budget was VERY tight for the holidays this year, but I'd been buying in little bits for the past several months, so I think I'm all good for presents. My spouse doesn't plan in advance, so if I left it up to him, the kids would get what I typically get for gifts.... that is to say, nothing. I do plan and scrimp, so the kids (and the spouse, in fact) should have fun opening presents, even though we don't do high-dollar items as a general rule for Christmas. I am salvaging parts from my defunct desktop computer, and my dad has parts from his upgrades, so he and I will be building the girls a computer to bring back after New Year's Day. We'll be at home through Christmas Day, but we're keeping it simple here -- just stockings -- and celebrating bigger with my folks and sister a few days after.

I made decadent cranberry-orange-walnut oatmeal cookies yesterday for a potluck we were supposed to be going to tonight. However, the potluck was cancelled, and I have been grazing my way through the bag of cookies. ACK!! Why can't cookies get stuck by my band like chicken and turkey breast?!?!? I put the darn things in the garage fridge in hopes that I would leave them alone, but they're just so GOOD with hot tea. *sigh*

Hopefully everyone is avoiding holiday temptation better than I have been the past couple of days! I'm going to go play a little catchup on your blogs too. Hey, it's WAY better than the thought of tackling this house! ;D

Hey, I haven't even eaten any Thanksgiving dinner yet!!!

However, something in my body must have reset this week, because I gained back 2 of the pounds I lost last week.

So, I'm barely back into obese, and I'm not 80# down anymore. Poop!

I guess this is good motivation to keep myself in check over the next few days of T-day madness. I have a Thanksgiving dinner today, tomorrow, AND Saturday that I'm slotted to attend. I might not go to the one on Saturday, though, if I can find some folks to go booty-shaking with me instead that night.

I know from experience that my body likes to do these little bounce-backs after a few weeks of good losses, but it's still not fun. My scale says that my body fat is lower, though, by a couple of percentage points. Hrmmmmmm.

Somehow I got put to task on making the foods I will not be actually eating for today. Mashed potatoes, homemade herb bread, and Nutella samosas. Oh yeah, and green beans. Those, I'll eat. ;) More bread-baking for tomorrow (a sourdough and an herb this time), and something sweet potato-y. I have some awesome sweet potato curries and such I could do, but my folks are traditionalists, so it will be something far too sticky sweet for my liking that I whip up instead.

I hope all my U.S. followers have a wonderful Thanksgiving and make it through without too much temptation or trouble. No stuck turkey, OK??? ;)